Divine Secrets – “Dear Ms.PisseyPants …”

This week’s Divine Secrets of the Blah Blah Bloggerhood prompt is “Wish I knew then …” We are supposed to share our present wisdom with our younger self. I suppose in this case it would be easier to just perhaps write a letter to my daughter. I hold no regrets in my life. I believe each and every experience I have had in my life has shaped me into the exact person I am today. I am not flawless or perfect, I am most certainly a sarcastic asshole when the opportunity presents itself; I have learned some things that I hope I can share with my daughter (just as my mother did with me). However, I hope that unlike myself – she will listen and when that situation presents itself that relates to the advice I pass onto her … she uses it in a way that works for her.

My Daughter

Ms. Pissey Pants:

There are so many Do’s and Don’ts I want to share with you. However, the most important thing I have learned throughout my life is that you can share with someone your experiences to connect with them. But, the reality is – the experience must be lived before you can truly be there to say “This is where I was, how I defeated it and this is where I am.”  So … I could make this a truly long, drawn out letter or I can share with you the things I feel are most important. And you may do with them what you wish – because as you grow older you will live and learn. It is okay to make mistakes and it is great that you will fail. Without those mistakes and failures you will never learn to be grateful for what you have. You will grow and keep growing. Not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually for the rest of your life, even long after I’m gone. Just don’t forget:

Loving Mommy Wisdom

  1. Envy and jealousy are a wasted emotion.
  2. Drama is useless.
  3. Set goals and follow through.
  4. Make big dreams and keep chasing them.
  5. Be compassionate without allowing others to use you.
  6. Never be too serious – life is quite hilarious.
  7. Once words are spoken – they can NOT be taken back.
  8. Be an active, good listener for people that need you.
  9. Find your passion and run with it.
  10. Have faith in something or someone.
  11. Stand up for yourself and effectively communicate your needs and desires.
  12. Work for you want and work harder for your future.
  13. Opportunities do not just fall into your lap, find them.
  14. You are enough. Do not expect others to change to suite you and do not allow others to change you.
  15. Treat others as you wish to be treated.
  16. Say thank you and excuse me.
  17. Do not cast judgement on others as we all are fighting our own battles.
  18. Be tactful, diplomatic and respectful in your most challenging moments.
  19. Fear is an excuse.
  20. Always listen with an open heart and open mind. You can learn so much from others.
  21. Never lose yourself in a relationship or friendship. Be true to yourself.
  22. Learn something new everyday.
  23. The truth is always better than lies.
  24. Share your love, compassion and talents with others.
  25. Never make a decision when your angry, hurt or upset.

UN-Edited Loving Mommy Wisdom

  1. Do not tailgate or “draft” the car in front of you. While it helps with passing leverage – if the person slams on their brakes you will become a new trunk decoration for their vehicle.
  2. If a man tells you that you need to lose weight, tell him that he needs to get a penis enlargement and than proceed to open the door for him and as he leaves remember your manners – “thank you for not wasting anymore of my time, asshole.”
  3. If you’re going out on the town, send your friends a pre-drunk courtesy text message. It will avoid post-drunk mis-communication that quite generally is all screwed up with auto correct.
  4. NEVER make a post to face book when you’re drunk.
  5. Never make eye contact with people while eating a banana … it’s awkward for everyone.
  6. When things get unbearable, remember “FISH” – Fuck it, shit happens.
  7. Enjoy your child-free life as an intelligent young woman. Once they arrive – your brain cells quickly start to die off in masses.
  8. Do not park your car like an asshole.
  9. Throat punching your brothers for whatever reason you consider legitimate is wrong an illegal. Just call me.
  10.  Do NOT use the words “Like”, “As If” or “Nooooooooo waaayyyyyyyyy” as they are NOT an accepted part of my family’s vocabulary and I will wash your mouth out with soap. ❤

If you should need more UN-edited mommy take on life stuff … just click through the archives. As you are rolling your eyes and gasping at the horrific things I post on the internet, remember ….

you are MY child.

Love you always …

 

 

 

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