Divine Secrets – “Dear Ms.PisseyPants …”

This week’s Divine Secrets of the Blah Blah Bloggerhood prompt is “Wish I knew then …” We are supposed to share our present wisdom with our younger self. I suppose in this case it would be easier to just perhaps write a letter to my daughter. I hold no regrets in my life. I believe each and every experience I have had in my life has shaped me into the exact person I am today. I am not flawless or perfect, I am most certainly a sarcastic asshole when the opportunity presents itself; I have learned some things that I hope I can share with my daughter (just as my mother did with me). However, I hope that unlike myself – she will listen and when that situation presents itself that relates to the advice I pass onto her … she uses it in a way that works for her.

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Shenanigans, because – Fuck You! That’s why.

Fucking Shenanigans!Shenanigans. That’s all I’ve got. This girl has been boiling for a few days. Contemplating how to diplomatically say just what’s on my mind. All I can come up with is …. Fuck You. In the highest regards of course.

The problem with society today is no one gives a fuck. I’m not jumping to conclusions or making shit up (well, maybe I’m making shit up) … but, realistically speaking — people suck. I don’t do shenanigans unless it involves good friends, smoked pork, a camp fire and Bud Light. I don’t have the tolerance for stupid shit or stupidity in general. It doesn’t sit well with me when you invest yourself into something and in the end find yourself bent over backwards taking it up the ass like a boss. So, here’s how I see it ….

What’s it worth to you? You make a choice. Every choice has consequences. They can be good or bad depending on the circumstances. That seems like a rather simple concept, right? Are you confused? I’m not confused – I made that shit up. So, back to choices …. you pick option (A) or option (B), fuck (C) and (D) … I’m trying to keep this as dumb-downed as possible.

Option (A) – Be content with what you have. Make the best of it and live life to the fullest.

Option (B) – Pretend your content with what you have, get some on the side and believe you’re living life to the fullest.

Consequences to Option (A) seem rather positive. I mean you’re living life, raising a family, working, doing things that matter to you and being honest. Not flawless, but honest. That shit sounds real to me.

Consequences to Option (B) … You’re a douche bag. That’s all I’ve got.

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Why my Divorce Doesn’t Suck A$$

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“I look at divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that psycho for the rest of my life.”

I always thought the D-word was the worst infliction any person could experience. After ten-years of marriage (in a fifteen-year relationship), I realize that it’s NOT the D-word that is awful … it’s the abrasive approach of your ex-spouse that makes it a whirlwind of shit. Of course, there’s a variety of snarky things I could say – but, I wont. Instead I’ll filter them out (in a direct words that is) and put them in with witty statements instead. Yessss!

The enlightenment of my marriage and divorce has rocked my world. I never would have dreamed that I, Ms.Introvert who never says anything to anyone would find such bliss in being an asshole. Of course I didn’t start off as an asshole. I was giving, polite, tried to be nice and lady-like … but, than he made our children his second priority in life and it was game on. I have spent my fair share of time considering the next chapter of my life and how I am going to use up all this free time. Time I spent prior worrying about Donkey — is free … and here is what I do with it …. think about what the fuck I will do with the little bit of “together” crap. That IS where I lucked out — we don’t have martial assets.

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